I once used to feel that possessive-ness is a good and positive trait that i would like my partner to possess. Why do i feel so? Because i feel that when my boyfriend is really possessive over me, it means that he truly love me, cares for me and is afraid of losing me. Ya know it's so true that some people can really live with a very possessive person in their life because of the reason i gave for myself, but of course, i've changed this mentality of mine. (I am not saying it's bad, but I will be giving my reasons on why i feel that it's bad for me. =) )
First of all, i am going to touch on two major factors that must be found in a relationship, mutual understanding and commitment, then again, everybody have different ways of seeing mutual understanding and the very big word, "commitment".
I shall start with mutual understanding first. =)
Mutual Understanding between two person is important, yes. It simply means being accommodating to each other in a relationship, knowing what the other person is going through in his/her life, and being there to support all the decisions he/she made. Easy? I am afraid that as much as this is common sense, alot of couples are unable to reach the stage of complete mutual understanding between each other, because noone is perfect. Everyone has some selfishness within him/herself. Being in a relationship, who doesn't want his/her partner to be attentive to him/her? Unless you are taking it as a fling and doesn't wish your partner to keep paying attention to you so you can double time him/her with another person. Anyone, and i really mean anyone who is in a serious relationship, will want lotsa of love and concern from his/her partner, because this is the reason why we need a partner, we need it for companionship, for someone to take care of us when we are going through some real rough times, and we hate to be alone.
How to achieve mutual understanding?
First of all, i know this might sound stupid, but, if two person are not meant to be together, it is gonna be real hard achieving mutual understanding. In order to really acheive it, you really got to know what your partner is doing, how he/she does things, how he/she reacts to certain things and how he/she live his/her life. =) Sounds confusing? Well, let's say put it in this way, try putting yourself in your partner shoes for one day, understand and live his/her life for one day, accept and digest it. This will help in achieving mutual understanding by alot. The rest of it is really up to the couple on how they want to work things out and it works on a case by case basis so yup, unless a couple is going to quote a specific problem they are facing in, there is nothing much i can really cover on this. =)
How about commitment?
Same thing again, different people got different levels of commitment and how they perceive commitment in a relationship.
Do you consider someone who is very faithful in a relationship but doesn't want to settle down in a marriage committed?
What is your own opinion of the word commitment?
How about a person who does not cheat on his/her partner but refuse to commit anything?
Well, to me being committed in a relationship is not a very easy task. Staying committed in a relationship requires alot of effort and well, put it simply, it is really up to the mentality and mindset of the person. Usually, only those who really wants to settle down as in marriage, will talk about commitment.
Well, like what i say, there are different levels of commitment, basic commitment in a relationship simply means not cheating on your partner, and staying focus and putting in effort into the relationship to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Marriage commitment is a totally different entity altogether (and so i will talk about it in another entry.)
And so back to possessive-ness, if two person actually achieve mutual understanding and commitment in a relationship, why should anyone be possessive?
Ponder over this.. Possessive-ness = Selfishness, don't let someone control you, be in control, only then you will know that you are really in love. =)
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6 comments:
Possessiveness, understanding, commitment.... these are labels that many people strive to achieve because they believe that this is positive behaviour in a healthy relationship.
How would you feel if you knew your partner did all these not because it came naturally from the heart, but more like following a code of conduct?
My view of love has changed over the years as I age. I think I want a love that comes from within. A love that exist for no reason, no logic….. a pure kind of love. Everything else can be worked out
Dear JSB,
Falling in love requires no reason and no logic... but in the progress of an relationship, mutual understanding, commitment and all the other factors will come into place. I doubt it can be avoided, unless you just want it to last for the moment, not forever. =)
I get what you are saying. I feel that acts of understanding and commitment no longer feel like just acts when one attains a stage of pure love. These will come naturally from the heart.
I see many people not able to sustain understanding and commitment because the foundation of love is not strong. They were just acting on the needs to fufill such acts simply because they were the "right thing to do".
Dear JSB,
not everyone will have the luxury to be with someone whom they truly deeply love. =) Hope you get what I am trying to get across.
Yeah, I know only too well. It's really sad. The longing doesn't ever go away. The wanting and wishing and hoping gnaws away at the soul. So many what if's and could have been's.
Looking forward to your next blog entry.
Complicity of the heart.=)
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