"Possessive-ness"

I once used to feel that possessive-ness is a good and positive trait that i would like my partner to possess. Why do i feel so? Because i feel that when my boyfriend is really possessive over me, it means that he truly love me, cares for me and is afraid of losing me. Ya know it's so true that some people can really live with a very possessive person in their life because of the reason i gave for myself, but of course, i've changed this mentality of mine. (I am not saying it's bad, but I will be giving my reasons on why i feel that it's bad for me. =) )

First of all, i am going to touch on two major factors that must be found in a relationship, mutual understanding and commitment, then again, everybody have different ways of seeing mutual understanding and the very big word, "commitment".

I shall start with mutual understanding first. =)

Mutual Understanding between two person is important, yes. It simply means being accommodating to each other in a relationship, knowing what the other person is going through in his/her life, and being there to support all the decisions he/she made. Easy? I am afraid that as much as this is common sense, alot of couples are unable to reach the stage of complete mutual understanding between each other, because noone is perfect. Everyone has some selfishness within him/herself. Being in a relationship, who doesn't want his/her partner to be attentive to him/her? Unless you are taking it as a fling and doesn't wish your partner to keep paying attention to you so you can double time him/her with another person. Anyone, and i really mean anyone who is in a serious relationship, will want lotsa of love and concern from his/her partner, because this is the reason why we need a partner, we need it for companionship, for someone to take care of us when we are going through some real rough times, and we hate to be alone.

How to achieve mutual understanding?
First of all, i know this might sound stupid, but, if two person are not meant to be together, it is gonna be real hard achieving mutual understanding. In order to really acheive it, you really got to know what your partner is doing, how he/she does things, how he/she reacts to certain things and how he/she live his/her life. =) Sounds confusing? Well, let's say put it in this way, try putting yourself in your partner shoes for one day, understand and live his/her life for one day, accept and digest it. This will help in achieving mutual understanding by alot. The rest of it is really up to the couple on how they want to work things out and it works on a case by case basis so yup, unless a couple is going to quote a specific problem they are facing in, there is nothing much i can really cover on this. =)

How about commitment?
Same thing again, different people got different levels of commitment and how they perceive commitment in a relationship.
Do you consider someone who is very faithful in a relationship but doesn't want to settle down in a marriage committed?
What is your own opinion of the word commitment?
How about a person who does not cheat on his/her partner but refuse to commit anything?
Well, to me being committed in a relationship is not a very easy task. Staying committed in a relationship requires alot of effort and well, put it simply, it is really up to the mentality and mindset of the person. Usually, only those who really wants to settle down as in marriage, will talk about commitment.
Well, like what i say, there are different levels of commitment, basic commitment in a relationship simply means not cheating on your partner, and staying focus and putting in effort into the relationship to ensure that everything goes smoothly. Marriage commitment is a totally different entity altogether (and so i will talk about it in another entry.)

And so back to possessive-ness, if two person actually achieve mutual understanding and commitment in a relationship, why should anyone be possessive?
Ponder over this.. Possessive-ness = Selfishness, don't let someone control you, be in control, only then you will know that you are really in love. =)

Empty Promises Part 2

Time to share my personal views after 4 years of breaking up with him. =)

I am seriously grateful to him for choosing to leave me at that point of time when I was hospitalised, despite the fact that he was being all so cruel by not even visiting me etc. That was the time when he can really leave me without me chasing him and stalking him everywhere. It made me alot stronger, and made me realise that I was not being myself anymore, I didn't even have a life of my own anymore.

The empty promises? Well, can't really blame him on that. Whenever we are in a relationship, we will always say things that I will love you forever / I will never leave you etc. Can you actually consider this promises? In some sense yes, but not totally a promise. These words are uttered because of the strong emotions felt at that point of time. Feelings and emotions are something that does't last forever (for your information, it really doesn't). That is why in a relationship, constant efforts to create sparks is so important, because feelings and emotions doesn't last. You got to keep working to re-ignite the flame or else it will just die away.

A piece of advice: Never hold someone to blame for empty promises such as "I will never ever leave you", because if the person really does, something wrong happened along the way that causes it to happen. Maybe the flame didn't have enough oxygen to carry on burning.

Noone knows what the future beholds, the one that might seem to be so right or even so perfect now might not eventually be the one who will be putting in the constant effort to make sure that the love does't die.

I will like to take this chance here to say a big thank you to the guy who made me stronger by leaving me 4 years ago. We are pretty good friends now and it made me realise that I was being such a fool 4 years back. =)

Peace out V.V

Wishing on the same star...

To those heart-broken peeps out there at this point of time.. Don't mind listen to this song, =) Cry if you need to.I might be setting up a mini hotline soon so that anyone who needs advice urgently can call me. =) Meanwhile, close your eyes, and listen to this song...

Wishing on the same Star



It's so hard to leave you
I don't really wanna go
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
It's the last thing I wanna do
But I won't be sad now
Cause 'til you're in my arms again
You'll be inside of my heart
And wherever I go
We'll never really be apart

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
When you're thinking of me, baby
I'll be thinking of you
And no matter where I go
I will be there with you
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

It's not really over
Baby, it will never be
Long as you keep me in your heart
I'll be there anywhere you are
And when you feel sad
Remember all the love we shared
And when you're feeling alone
Well, just look up in the sky
Oh, and baby, so will I

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
When you're thinking of me, baby
I'll be thinking of you
And no matter where I go
I will be there with you
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

No matter where you turn around
It's the same sun that keeps shining down
Wherever we'll be, I know that we'll be
Wishing on the same star

We'll be wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon
When you're thinking of me, baby
I'll be thinking of you
And no matter where I go
I will be there with you
Wishing on the same star
Looking at the same moon

Empty Promises...

"I promise that I will never leave your side, I will be with you forever, I love you forever..."

Familiar?

Well, if these promises are kept, I am sure that the world will be a much better place. How many times have someone made these promises to you? or how many times have you made these promises to someone and broke them?

Relating to one real life encounter:

I was very much in love with him. Our relationship started on the wrong foot as I was in a relationship with another guy. He started being a brother to me, but soon after, I saw something in him that really attracts me, his sincerity and efforts touched me.

To touch on this point, I was being unfaithful to my boyfriend then yes, but my boyfriend then didn't exactly love me, it was pretty much of he's lonely and just needed someone. It was a pretty loveless relationship. =) Will be explaining more about this in another entry... let's get back to my current one.

When I broke off with my boyfriend then, it was an immediate switch of boyfriend. No breaks in between, no resting time. Although my relationship with my "ex" was loveless, it just kinda hurts afterall it was an break-up. (Relationship lifespan: 2 months) And i was very very young, so i coped with my breakup spending more and more time with him who became my boyfriend. Crying in his arms, and him trying his very best to make me happy, and to forget my "ex" then.

*I know that this above scenario has happened to alot of you out there too, using someone to forget another person. This way is the fastest way to forgot someone, but if you do it often enough, you will start losing control of yourself, so please forget someone the healthy way. =)

Back to story, soon enough, i forgot my "ex" then and everything else with him was simply wonderful. I felt that I was really being loved, being taken care of. All the promises of "I will be loving you forever"... I ate every single lovey-dovey words that he feed me with. Basically i was in the stage that i can practically eat off his fingers. I was so much into him, too into him. (very very unhealthy...)

And so enough, I was totally dependent on him, I had no life at all. Bascically my life revolved around him. Day in day out, I only wanted to see him, talk to him and do everything with him. In the end, he wanted to break up with me, but i held on, i became his toy. He called me back whenever he wants, and threw me away whenever he doesn't "want" me.

The cycle carried on until I met with an accident that caused me to be disfigured (I am fine now.. =) ) and he totally left me from then on. He didn't even come to the hospital to visit me, or offered me any words of concern, he simply just couldn't be bothered.

At this point of time, i would like to ask you readers, whose fault was it that caused this relationship to end this way?

Was it mine? or his?

He ended the relationship telling me that there wasn't what we called true love at all for the past 1 year we had been together. It was just a bit of liking here and there, and he didn't love me. Empty promises... Why say them when you can't keep them?

Well, I will really appreciate some response from my question above.. so keep them flowing! I will give you my answer the next entry.

Till then, feel free to drop me a mail anytime regarding anything!

Peace out!

WARM heart turns COLD

Have you people out there ever wonder whether a person filled with love and energy, can ever turn cold and heartless? Well, sometimes, some things in life will cause a person to change.

One of the major happenings that will cause a person to change drastically will be the loss of someone dear, and very precious to him/her. This happened to me. Someone asked me, whether i have found true love and happiness in my life, I had. Why the past tense? Cos i lost him, due to my wilfulness, due to me losing faith in something that i once truly believed in. Not going to blame it on anyone, because it will only be a vicious cycle, it's my fault.

Well, when a person turn cold and heartless, trust me 100%, it's only on the surface. The toughest person on earth, does have a soft spot in his/her heart. Tell me you people out there, those who proclaim that they have never shed a single tear for anyone or anything, are you sure? Not even a single tear? I bet not.

Always remember, even if you are to be tough, be tough in scenarios when you need to, but do let yourself loose during your free/leisure time, be it whether you are alone, or with someone you can confide in. By cooping everything up in your heart, you will eventually break down, it is only a matter of time. really. =)

Reasons why someone can appear cold and heartless to someone or anyone? Because he/she feel that by appearing cold and heartless, noone will come and hurt them, and they simply feel that they don't want anyone to sympathise with them. If you are doing so, please, by not allowing others to hurt you by appearing cold and heartless, you are actually hurting yourself, and brushing people who truly care about you away. It's okay to let loose once in a while, it's okay to cry, okay to confide in someone you trust.

With this, i shall end this short entry on a short note,

if you are feeling cold, feeling numb, start by loving yourself, treating yourself better, don't cast yourself away from this world, because although reality is harsh, this is really still a beautiful world, filled with wonderful things for you to look forward to.

A virtual hug for those who need it most now... HUGGzzzzz!! =)

Once again, feel free to drop me an e-mail if you need any personal advice @ geturlifeback@gmail.com

Peace out. V.V

Coping with "PAIN"

Remember the times when you just fallen from a relationship that almost seems so perfect and it is so painful to let go? Now in this entry, I am going to share with you all, how to cope with the pain of letting go, letting go of the love that once occupied your heart, your world and made you the happiest person alive for that moment. =)




GULB 1st step:
Listen to all the sad songs, all the happy songs that make you think of him/her, cry your heart out. Let all the past memories flash through your mind, remember all the good and the bad, but concentrate on the good of course, because, noone in this world deserve to be hated, nor disliked, especially if the person once truly love / loved you before.

GULB 2nd step:
Go through everything that he/she has ever gve you. The couple ring, the pictures you two took together, flowers (that are already all dried up), all the movie tickets, restaurant bills, and etc. (I seriously don't think that all these things can be digged out of every corner of your room though. =) After putting everything together, keep them in a box that is big enough to store everything. Chuck it in one corner of your house, or if you can, "burn them". Usually i will just keep them in a box and store it somewhere, because all those were good memories.

GULB 3rd step:
After crying almost your entire heart out, this step is crucial, call your best friends out. Friends that understand what you are going through, friends that know not to mention anything unhappy to you when you are out with them. Go out and have fun, eat and shop with your friends, go cycling, swimming, anything to get your mind off all the unhappy things.

GULB 4th step:
Just get back to your normal life, don't "hen ta ka ki" (marching on the spot if you don't understand this command), because the world will not stop revolving around the solar system just for you, the sky will still change from blue to black, black to blue and there will still be waves in the sea. =) (my fav. phrase)

Remember, never get into a rebound relationship, cause that will only screw up your life so badly you can't get out of the black hole you are digging for yourself. =)

If anyone of you readers out there got a personal problem you wish to share, just drop me a mail @ geturlifeback@gmail.com. Guarantee reply in 24hrs @ no charge. =)

Peace out. V.V

Searching for the "PERFECT".

Hands up for those who are single and searching/waiting for the "perfect" guy/girl to appear / or maybe those who are already in a relationship, trying to change their partner into their so-called "perfect" person for them.

With all the hands up, I am going to one by one twist every single one of them, and force you guys/girls out into reality.

"PERFECT DOESN"T EXIST!!!!"
(unless you go it with the saying of "love is blind"... =) )

Ya know i always believe in my philosophy,

"Be together with someone you can live with, not someone you can't live without."

Next question i can predict from my readers, why???

Think about it this way, if you are together with someone you can't live without, which i feel is utter rubbish because EVERYONE CAN LIVE WITHOUT SOMEONE!!! But okok, let's assume that you really can't live without, won't you be like so dependent on the person, like you can breathe without the person, you will grow to be like the person, and soon, you will be wanting to hear his/her voice every single sec of the day. one word to bind everything up, "TIRING!!!"

Everyone deserve their own time and space, a partner is a enhancement. Meant to enhance your life, make it better, make it more colourful, but not to step into you and breathe the same air and share the same space.. That personal space I am refering to of course.

Why choose someone you can live with? Answer is very very simple, look at the high divorce rate in everywhere not only Singapore now, the couple simply can't live with each other. This is why, i highly encourage co-habitating before you decide to announce to everybody that the two of you are going to spend the rest of your life together sharing the same name; Marriage. =)

Give up the fairytale thinking, because fairytale will always remain as something in the far far away land, and not here, not in reality.

I guess that what I've mentioned above is pretty negative, so here is something positive:

There is always someone out there for you, don't have to search for it, because when the time is right, the person will appear. =)